Monday, May 3, 2010

Offstage Nonsense

"Do you hear drums?" I asked my husband from a napping haze. "No," he said sleepily while rolling over. A few second later he changed his answer to yes followed by a groan. Then he added, "Why would somebody be playing drums in a hotel room?"

About 20 minutes later, the bugle player in the room next door made that question seem like a stupid one.

If a hotel is going to host a drum and bugle convention they better hire an extra person to field all the complaint calls. Or they should just let the guests who aren't planning to drum or bugle stay for free.

A Great Pyrenees dog show was also taking place at the hotel so I was sort of surprised we didn't hear more howling. Whenever I played trumpet as a kid, my dog would wail like I was driving a firetruck around the living room.

Apparently, Great Pyrenees are either extremely laid back or completely deaf.

These freakishly large white dogs are incredibly beautiful animals but the idea of taking care of them makes me ill. You'd probably need a Hefty cinch sack just to pick up their poop. I will never care for an animal whose feces is bigger than mine. The same goes for children... which works out well since most children are bigger than my feces.

I need a much smaller dog with a reasonable digestive system. For many years, my fantasy dog has been a Corgie because they look like they were put together from parts of other dogs. There is simply no way those ears and those legs should be on the same creature.

But then we ran into a woman in the hallway who was walking two Swedish Vallhunds. They're like Corgies after the mad scientist perfected his experiment.

The fact that people refer to them as the Little Cattle Dog of the Vikings only makes them more appealing. You know I would be using that phrase constantly. "Would some little cattle dog of the vikings like to go for a w-a-l-k?"

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