1,000 Pounds Or Bust

I've always admired goal-oriented people.

An obese mother in the US is trying to put on weight in order to become the world's fattest woman.

You go, girl!

Donna Simpson already holds the title of World's Fattest Mother but she's not going to let some childless bee-atch continue to roam the Earth as the World's Fattest Woman. Hell no! Not this go-getter!

Ms Simpson, who needs a mobility scooter to go shopping, eats huge amounts of junk food each week and tries to move as little as possible so she doesn't burn off as many calories.

Hmmm, perhaps "go-getter" was not the best description.

In order to win the chubby crown, Simpson will need to consume 12,000 calories per day. In contrast, the recent Miss America consumed 12,000 calories per year.

In order to pay for the enormous amounts of food she is eating — her weekly grocery bill is $815 — Ms Simpson makes money by running a website where men pay to watch her consume fast food.

And that's the beauty of of the internet. A fat New Jersey broad can finance her slow but certain death with credit card payments from a bunch of housebound pervs who don't realize special sauce is supposed to be a euphemism and not... well, you know... special sauce.

I've decided that I'm also going to attempt to be the World's Fattest Woman. So, when people see me they'll be forced to say, "Well, it doesn't look like it's going very well. You're still so thin."