Wednesday, January 6, 2010

You're So Vain You Probably Think This Post Is About You

Patrick Goldstein in the LA Times really should have put down his penis and picked up a calculator when writing about the new Peter Biskind biography of Warren Beatty.
Warren-beatty According to Biskind, who caused a similar media maelstrom with his 1998 book, "Easy Riders, Raging Bulls" -- about the excesses of '60s filmmakers -- it wasn't all that hard, based on "simple arithmetic," to come up with a perfectly plausible guesstimate. According to the Post, Biskind estimates the bedded-by-Beatty women figure at "12,775, give or take, a figure that does not include daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses and so on."
First of all, no adult male-- gay or straight-- should ever use the word "guesstimate."

Secondly, some simple math would prove that Biskind's "guesstimate" is shitdiculous.

There is no way Warren Beatty managed to have sex with 12,775 different woman. If he did, I'll eat my cervical cap.

Let's go to the chalkboard.

Beatty, who was born in 1937, claims to have lost his virginity at the age of 20. In 1992, he married Annette Benning and had four children. Assuming he didn't go all Tiger Woods on her ass and actually remained faithful to his family, we are dealing with a time period between 1957 and 1992. That's a span of 35 years.

In order to have intercourse with 12,775 different women in 35 years, Warren Beatty would have had to convince 365 women per year to go to bed with him. That's an average of one woman per day.

One woman per day... every day... for 35 years. Maybe the occasional threesome or orgy could give him a long weekend off while still maintaining his average but, not even the great Warren Beatty can keep up those kinds of numbers. Over the years, I'm sure he got sick every now and then. Any man who has every had the stomach flu knows it's impossible to bed down a strange woman when you have multi-port ejection.

Factor in his very public long-term relationships and the assertion seems even more ludicrous.

But the LA Times and the New York Post would rather get a vicarious thrill than call the author out on his nonsense.

And if you can work in a Wilt Chamberlain reference, all the better.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The sleaze-reading public will probably be more interested in his very pubic short-term relationships.

Little known factoid (there's a word no mammal should ever utter)... Neville Chamberlain bedded over 14,000 barnyard animals during his years of public service.

And, please, stop posting about me.