I have been a Top Cop for Us Weekly's Fashion Police since 2001. (Why do men always call it "U.S." Weekly even when they see it spelled with a big "U" and a small "s"?)
Some weeks many of my jokes are published while other weeks I have to settle for just one or two. Below is a partial list of comments that never made it to the newsstand.
Note: The ones marked "Accepted" are my comments that got in. The ones marked "Rejected" are the ones that didn't.
Rejected: Shops online at OverWoodstock.com.
Rejected: Woke up it was a Chelsea morning.
Rejected: PETA should throw blood on her just to add some color.
Rejected: Made from the hide of a gay bear.
Accepted: No velvet animals were harmed in the making of this dress.
Rejected: "Our seats are wider on Kardashian Air."