Thursday, November 12, 2009

Happy PC!

At the Ft. Hood massacre, Maj. Nidal Malik Hassan pulled the trigger but political correctness loaded the gun. I can only hope PC will be the next fatality.

On the off chance we are witnessing the final days of hyper sensitivity, we have decided to celebrate one last politically correct holiday.

Hubby suggested we call Thanksgiving "Thinksgiving" so we can spend the day reflecting on how we screwed the Native Americans.

Instead of buying tickets to the play "Irving Berlin's White Christmas" we're going to insist the theater change the name to "Irving Berlin's Genocidal, Imperialistic Land-Grubbing Scum Christmas."

We will no longer say Happy Holidays because the word happy is insensitive to people who are miserable. Seasons Greetings is insensitive to people who live in a year-round warm climate. Ho Ho Ho is insensitive to Hugh Hefner's girlfriends.

Resorting to a grunting isn't an option either because that would be offensive to the GEICO Cavemen.

Eating turkey is insensitive to vegans. Exchanging gifts is insensitive to anarchists. Listening to Perry Como is insensitive to deaf people.

Perhaps to have a real PC holiday we need to spend the next six weeks in a darkened room eating Kashi and drinking chai tea.

At least I'd have an excuse not to send out cards.

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