Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Prayer As Foreplay

Those crazy Catholics have done it again.

A book published by the Catholic Truth Society (sounds like a bad vocal group from the '70's) called Prayer Book For Spouses encourages married couples to pray-- yes, I said pray-- before sex.

The prayer is meant to help couples "purify their intentions." How this differs from the usual married prayer of "Dear God, let this be over with quickly" or "Dear God, please make her give me a blowie" is unclear.

Of course, if the Catholic Truth Society was really into Catholic truth, the 64-page book would include a pre-sex prayer for priests which merely says, "Holy Lord, don't let me get caught this time!"

Here is the prayer in its entirety.
Father, send your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Place within us love that truly gives, tenderness that truly unites, self-offering that tells the truth and does not deceive, forgiveness that truly receives, loving physical union that welcomes. Open our hearts to you, to each other and to the goodness of your will.

Cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness. Clothe us in our true dignity and take to yourself our shared aspirations, for your glory, for ever and ever. Mary, our Mother, intercede for us. Amen.
That is hot! Maybe it would work if the prayer was recited while doing an impression of Barry White.

The minute the words "cover our poverty in the richness of your mercy and forgiveness" comes out of my mouth before sex is the minute you know I am waaaaaaaay too drunk to do the nasty.

Whatever happened to just screaming, "Oh God!" during orgasm? For most people, that the closest they every come to prayer.


Peter said...

I thought 'self-offering' was frowned upon?

Traci Skene said...

Oh my, I am the exact wrong person to consult on theological inconsistencies. I married a Catholic but I didn't even take his last name let alone his religion.