Just hours ago, at Citizens Bank Park, I had the great misfortune of sitting next to a child who would have rather have been doing anything... anything... than sitting where he was sitting at Citizens Bank Park... which happened to be next to me... in a $50 seat.
Imagine hearing the following for two straight innings. Also try to imagine being kicked after every sixth word. At one point, I turned to my husband and whispered, "If he kicks me one more time, I'm going to break his little foot. So, if you hear a snap, followed by screaming, you'll know what happened."
"Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Lommy. Lommy. Lommy. When is the silly green monster coming back out? When is the silly green monster coming back ooooooooouuuuuutttt? When is the silly green monster coming back ooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuttttttttttttt? I I I I I ... I... I... I I I I I I I I I need ice cream. I NEED ice cream! Mommy. Lommy. Mommy. This place is loud. Next time I don't want to go to the place that has baseball. No. Nooooooo. Noooooooo!"
His blabbering was only interrupted briefly by mom pleading, "Please don't kick the lady" or dad reluctantly adding, "Hey buddy, look down there at all the players."
Finally, mom took him away. Dad followed after mom gave him several dirty looks.
They returned, but only briefly. Apparently, purchasing the tyke his very own silly, green monster-- aka, The Philly Phanatic-- didn't make him happy like they had hoped. I heard mom say, "We're leaving for good this time."
As they should! I do feel bad for parents when their children disappoint them. Their fun day at the ballpark turned into a giant pain in the ass.
But they were right not to inflict the whiny one on the rest of us for any longer than necessary. Sure he ruined 2 1/2 innings for me but it could have been the entire game.
Afterwards, I felt sort of bad for threatening to go all Tony Soprano on a preschooler. But perhaps mom overheard me and that's the only reason they left.