The Lion Of The Senate

When I tell people I'm a Kennedy liberal, I am, of course, referring to JFK and not Teddy. John F. was downright Reagan-esque compared to his baby brother.

I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but I spoke ill of him while he was alive so I think it's cosmically and comically acceptable. To me, Ted was the Jimmy Osmond of the Kennedy clan because everybody would rather be hanging out with his older brothers.

Inexplicably, Senator Kennedy spent five decades raiding the Senate mini-bar yet his political career should have been over the minute he left Mary Jo Kopechne at the bottom of the Chappaquiddick. The so called "champion of the little man" instead, used his money, fame and connections to avoid jail time.

To this day, his defenders claim he was not drunk when driving his car that night. Odd, since he appears to have been drunk every day since.

Since his passing, we've been reminded repeatedly that Universal Health Care was a dream of Senator Kennedy, but Universal Health Care would not have helped Mary Jo. Perhaps she would have been better served by a "Cash For Clunkers" program. At least then somebody would have looked inside the car.

Tonight, all Americans should toast the Lion Of The Senate by drinking a Jager Bomb. It's the perfect cocktail because because you drop a shot into a glass of Red Bull and leave it there.