Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Children Are Bad For The Environment

Never invite an environmentalist to a baby shower. I can guarantee you'll get a craptastic gift... and a lecture.
For people who are looking for ways to reduce their "carbon footprint," here's one radical idea that could have a big long-term impact, some scientists say: Have fewer kids.

A study by statisticians at Oregon State University concluded that in the United States, the carbon legacy and greenhouse gas impact of an extra child is almost 20 times more important than some of the other environment-friendly practices people might employ during their entire lives - things like driving a high mileage car, recycling, or using energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs.
The only time the words "carbon footprint" and "kid" should be used in the same sentence is when a father says to his son, "Kid, if you don't mow the lawn right now, I'm going to put my carbon footprint up your ass."
Reproductive choices haven't gained as much attention in the consideration of human impact to the Earth, Murtaugh said. When an individual produces a child - and that child potentially produces more descendants in the future - the effect on the environment can be many times the impact produced by a person during their lifetime.
With a current Science Czar who digs eugenics and sterilization I can only assume that reproductive choices will soon gain the attention these loons so deeply desire.

But, maybe they have a point. Can you imagine the carbon footprint of the Duggars? With 18 kids... and counting... Jim Bob and Michelle just might be solely responsible for the destruction of our planet. Plus the father really loves hairspray! Get the pitchforks and torches, Ma! We're heading to Arkansas! We're gonna save us some Earth!

Why not just institute the Cash For Kids Program and get it over with? Trade in your biological kid for a hybrid vehicle and get up to $4,500 back on qualifying toddlers.

It was bad enough when Man was ruining the planet but it's hard to sit by quietly and watch babies take the rap.


VL said...

absolutely hilarious and spot on!

DamnCat said...

It is a sick mind that sees children not as a blessing but as a curse.

Traci Skene said...

As the youngest of three, I'm thrilled that my parents decided to have more than two children. My husband is the youngest of five so I feel the same way about his parents.

If these environmentalists really want to control the population they should all get together and jump off a cliff. But I guess the world needs them more than they need a bunch of new humans.

Susan Kaye said...

I'm just wondering when these Green types get older, will they strap on the great for the environment, but lousy for absorption woven bamboo EcoDependz? Will they employ younger, stronger, imported help to pedal them around in a rickshaw device rather than carbon emitting scooters? And will they rename pulling the handle of one-armed bandits at the casino EconoPilates?

Leave it to an educational institution in Oregon to downgrade a child to the equivalent of driving a certain type of car.

Anthony said...
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Traci Skene said...
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