I'm going to pitch a new reality show for shoe designers called "Sell Your Sole To The Devil." Each week, the footwear fashioners will convince gullible women to wear their ridiculous creations... then they will burn in hell.
The 2009 season will have no problem finding contestants.
This year's crop of spring shoe trends are so completely hideous that I would advise any shoe lover not to look down until fall.
Shoe stores (and eventually clearance racks) are bursting at the seems with huaraches, gladiators and the dreaded "bold straps" which makes a woman look like she has just twisted her ankles and spent the last few hours being taped up by a personal trainer.
"Leg men" must be devastated.
I reached my breaking point, however, when I opened my most recent Nordstrom catalogue.
It's Hobo chic! Apparently, we're all just one paycheck away from the homeless look.
I'm reminded of the Will Ferrell character in Zoolander, Jacobim Mugatu, who creates a line of fashion inspired by New York vagrants called Derelicte.
Perhaps the latest group of shoe designers think Zoolander is a documentary.
Has footwear become politicized? Will we eventually have formal Birkenstocks forced down our throats?
Well, at least in this bad economy, I won't feel compelled to spend any money on foot coverings. If my espadrilles, pumps and Dr. Scholl's don't last through summer, then I'll just walk around barefoot.