Thursday, November 20, 2008

Phlegmington Steele

The guy in the apartment below has been waking us up every morning with his hacking, wheezing and gagging. My husband alternately calls him Phlegmington Steele, Sir Ian Phlegming and-- he's particularly proud of this obscure reference-- Phlegm Kadiddlehopper.

I'm hoping this is just a temporary bout with bronchitis because I can't exactly call my landlord and say, "Could you please ask the dude in 12 to die quieter?"

My real fear is my congested neighbor will become one of those old people who likes to light up a cigarette while leaning on a portable oxygen tank. I'd hate to be awakened one day by the sound of my own body exploding.

Today I had to wake up early anyway because the part of our wall which was damaged by the leaky roof is being painted. Since I also have an afternoon appointment with my OBGYN-Kenobi, I was forced to take the much dreaded "first thing in the AM" shower. I've always despised getting wet in the morning. For this reason-- along with my fear of water-- I had no chance of ever becoming an Olympic swimmer.

But you can't see your gyno without cleaning up first. (Am I right, ladies?) I'd like to think the doc appreciates my efforts. Can you imagine how creepy it would be if, 24 hours beforehand, a receptionist leaves a message saying, "I'm calling to confirm your 2:30 appointment and the doctor requests that you don't shower."

So, here I sit, cranky and feeling very put upon. My disposition is that of a cat who has accidentally stepped in syrup.

I think today has "nap" written all over it.


ReformingGeek said...

Thanks for reminding me that my "yearly" probe and squish-a-gram is coming up soon. ;-)

It's amazing how loud and annoying coughing can be. A friend of mine sat next to a chronic case at work for awhile. The god-awful noises never stopped. Someone finally complained. I think he encouraged to work from home or something.

Traci Skene said...

My dad has COPD so I know it can be just as frustrating for the cougher as it is for the coughee.

Before I was diagnosed with GERD, I had one of those annoying throat clearing coughs people use when they are trying to get everybody's attention because they have something important to say. Just one problem: I didn't want everybody's attention and I never had anything important to say.

Okay, off to the doc. You'd think after all these years I'd remember to "scoot down" before being asked.

Suzy said...

I'm wth u on a.m. water and fear of same and a Red Skelton reference - all in one post. Brian is really good with those things.

Traci Skene said...

To quote Jessica Rabbit, "He makes me laugh."