Weekend Wrap-Up

Friday night I got to call an 18-month-old little girl a racist. That was fun. We were babysitting our friend's daughter so I gave her my Lester doll (of "Willie Tyler and..." fame) to play with. She was afraid of him. So I said, "You are such a racist." She thought that was funny. I suppose the first step in conquering your prejudices is laughing at your fears.

But she also didn't like the effeminate frog who wiggles his jazz hands when you wind him up. I suppose that means she's also homophobic. And ranidaphobic. Gosh, if the kid ever sees a gay black man wearing a frog costume, she'll have a heart attack.

Saturday morning we woke up early to scope out a nearby town-wide yard sale. For the total sum of of $12.50 we bought a 13-inch LCD computer monitor (which I'm using right now), an Olympus flash, three CD's (The Kinks, Dizzy Gillespie and Roxy Music) and two of those old people pill holders that have a different compartment for each day of the week.

The last purchase makes me feel like such a senior. Which is ironic since the pills we are taking are supposed to keep us younger longer.

Saturday night we made Old Bay popcorn and watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." The full-frontal male nudity leads me to believe we accidentally watched the "Outrageous Uncut" version instead of the actual theatrical release. I'm not a prude, but still don't enjoy looking at a strange man's junk. I think my husband summed it up best when he asked, "Ew, are we going to see it again?"

Sunday morning was spent cooking, eating and burping up huevos rancheros.

Sunday afternoon we put my old cheerleading outfits up on ebay. I used to wear them onstage but, at 43, they are no longer even age appropriate for sex.

I guess I should have worn one while I watched the Eagles.

Sunday night we hung out with friends to ostensibly watch the Phillies play the Dodgers for the Stanley Cup. Oh wait, it was the fighting that made me think I was watching hockey. But after Moyer gave up five runs in the first we pretty much ignored the game and just ate, drank and talked.

This GERD girl stupidly ate a cream cheese stuffed jalapeno wrapped in bacon.

Monday morning I feel not so good.

I guess this weekend wrap-up was to prove that standup comics are just like regular people when they're offstage. Admittedly most folks wouldn't accuse a toddler of racism but, otherwise, we're completely normal.