Synchronized Snoozing

Why is NBC obsessed with synchronized diving? Each competition is the same: the Chinese win the gold, the Americans place fourth and then two sets of divers, who don't seem to do well at all, win silver and bronze.

I'm a fan of regular diving-- I gasped along with the rest of America when Greg Louganis smashed oped his head on the platform-- but synchronized diving just seems like something two drunk divers cooked up when they were hanging out at the pool after midnight. "Dude, seriously, let's both jump off the high dive and see if we can land at the same time without making a splash. It'll be awesome!"

What's next? Synchronized weight lifting? At least that would be worth hearing the commentator say, "Oh my, those are two fantastic snatches! (See InnuendOlympics for clarification.)

Thank goodness Michael Phelps isn't competing in synchronized swimming... no one could keep up with him.

As the human dolphin is poised to break Mark Spitz's record of seven gold medals in one Olympics, I think it's a disgrace that the former champion wasn't invited to witness the event. Even Roger Maris' cranky family was in the stands when steroid-fueled Mark McGwire broke daddy's record.

My sister was a big fan of Mark Spitz during the 1972 Munich Games and for years afterwards, his famous poster hung on her wall. (Or some would say "well-hung" on her wall.)

Before she took it down, we got out the magic markers and covered it with funny little sayings. I can't remember all that we wrote but I do remember pointing an arrow at his crotch and writing, "New World Record."