Aloha From Hawaii-- 6

We decided to stick around the resort today so our friend's 12-year-old son could take surfing lessons at 9 AM and ukulele lessons at 2. Turns out a few hundred jellyfish squashed any hope he had of riding the big wave. I suggested they combine the ukulele and surf lessons so the students could then beat the gelatinous sea creatures with their little guitars. I have no hope of ever becoming an activities director.


The JW Marriott offers a host of learning experiences... for a fee of course. Yarn Lei Making... fifteen bucks. Healthy Shoulder and Rotator Cuff Secrets... twenty-five bucks. Tiki Coconut Bank Painting... eight bucks. They might as well just hold one class called "Introduction To Your Wallet"... priceless.

My personal favorite was Intro To The Gym. At least that one was free.

Luckily our friend's girls are just happy to hang out in the complimentary pool. They didn't even let the impending rain showers dampen their good time. When our friend said to the four-year-old, "I don't like the looks of those clouds" she replied, "So, don't look at them."


At 6:30 we were all invited to a torch lighting ceremony on the central lawn. Essentially it was just a giant pitch for their Tuesday night luau called Fia Fia, which means "A Happy Celebration." To keep with the Marriott tradition it should be called "Fee-ah Fee-ah: A Pricey Celebration."



We took a seat on the side of "the stage." As entertainers we like to see what goes on behind the scenes. For instance, watching the narrator read from a piece of paper while hiding behind a palm tree made our night. We were also thrilled when a stagehand had to rush in and turn on the propane tank after several failed torch lighting attempts by the costumed dancer. To see the look of disgust on the dancer's face was worth the trip.

Hosting the show was Chief Sielu Avea the First World Fire Knife Champion and, except for the torch glitch, he puts on a top-notch presentation. The man has the comic timing of a seasoned vaudevillian. He worked the crowd like a pro. He was burning though material at a rapid pace. I kept thinking, "Buddy, slow down. You've got to do a whole new set in front of these folks tomorrow night."

But we couldn't figure out what famous comedian he sounded like. It was driving us nuts. Then our friend said, "He's channeling Paula Poundstone." So just imagine Bob Hope's material, with Poundstone's delivery, coming out of the mouth of a Samoan Chief who can also climb a tree. I think I had a dream like that once.