Sunday, July 27, 2008

Aloha From Hawaii-- 4

While at the Hawaii State Farm Fair this morning, we visited the animals at the 4-H pavilion (Does 4-H stand for "Hippity-Hoppity-Hippity-Hoppity" or "Hardee Har Har Har?") and I watched in horror as my friend's four-year-old daughter pet a pig's ass. And by ass I don't mean the cute, fleshy rump part that tastes so good at Easter dinner, I mean The pig's anus! She was petting the pig's anus!

Minutes later she innocently asked me why I wouldn't hold her hand. I said to her, "It's because your hands are dirty" when I really wanted to say, "It's because you petted a pig's ass!"

The pig wasn't the only one who had a good time today.

The Hawaii State Farm Fair is essentially part farmer's market, part ass-petting zoo, part carnival and part food court. We had fun sampling the various foods including pickled sea asparagus and curried rice.

This GERD Girl was ecstatic when she discovered the elusive low-acid pineapple. Prior to the trip I was devastated that this visit to Hawaii, my seventh, would not include the sweetest fruit known to man. We gladly handed over the four dollars. We'll see tomorrow if it makes me sick.

Late afternoon we checked into the JW Marriott Ko'Olina which is west of Waikiki. You have to love a hotel that offers free five-minute chair massages in the lobby. It was drool-inducing. I actually thought I might fall asleep. At one point, however, I couldn't stop laughing as the same four-year-old of ass-petting fame stood next to me and sang the "Traci Song" while I was being worked over. You know the "Traci Song" don't you? "Traaaaaaci. Traci Traci Traci. Traaaaaaaci." She actually said to the masseuse, "I can give good massages." Yes, you can sweetie. And the pig thanks you.

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