Works Every Time

My hometown of Philadelphia is like that embarrassing relative who shows up drunk for the baby's christening yet still expects to be invited to the next family get together. At some point, all the loved ones just say, "That's it, I can't take it anymore. I'm changing my cell number and moving to New Jersey."

This time we-- I'm sorry, they-- have humiliated themselves on a national level with the latest addition to the city's disgusting and third-worldish murals program.

An ad for Colt 45 malt liquor, shows a group of cartoon characters partying with the words "Works Every Time" displayed above their drunken heads.



Of course, this wasn't put up by the city or by any community arts program. Believe it or not, it wasn't created by the Klan either. This is distasteful advertising pure and simple. But if the other stupid murals weren't plastered on every vacant building all over the city's decaying neighborhoods, it may have been noticed sooner.

The article goes on to say that Pabst Blue Ribbon-- the makers of everybody's favorite malt liquor, Colt 45-- could not be reached for comment. Well, come on, what are they going to say, "I'm sorry, we can't come to the phone right now. We're busy working on a Colt 45 ad for the Latino section of town that says, 'Impregnates Every Time' and one for the white-trash neighborhood that will read, 'Makes You Want To Punch Your Girlfriend Because These Freakin' Minorities Are Ruining The City Every Time.'"

Yes, Philadelphia is indeed the City of Brotherly Love. That's because we're all drunk.