Popcorn And A Movie

For years, I have been in a popcorn conundrum. Eating microwave popcorn makes me feel hungover, cooking Jiffy-Pop scares the crap out of me and buying movie popcorn requires a larger bank account than we currently have. I suppose I could purchase one of the hundreds of air poppers at my local Goodwill or pour some vegetable oil into a thick bottom skillet and cook it on the stove top but those two options seem soooooooo 1970's.

A few months ago, a friend changed my life when she gave me a few ears of popping corn. The directions were fairly simple: place the ear in a paper bag and microwave on high for 3-4 minutes. It was the best damn popcorn I've ever eaten! Plus, since the unpopped kernels stay on the ear, there's no chance of biting down and breaking a tooth as you search, in darkness, for the few remaining scraps in the bowl.

My friend isn't as taken with the popping ears as I am. So, I took another five ears from her snack drawer when I was over her house for dinner. (Technically, I didn't steal them because I announced to everybody that I was stealing them. There's a difference.)

So, last night, my husband and I made a big bowl of popcorn (with pepper butter) and sat down on the lounge chair (yes, two people on one lounge chair) to watch the movie he had rented. He thought "Raising Jeffrey Dahmer" was a documentary. Turns out it's a horror/exploitation film. We never even made it through the coming attractions.

Luckily, our local PBS affiliate was showing "The Thomas Crown Affair."

I have never seen the "Thomas Crown Affair" which is surprising since I have been a huge Steve McQueen fan since birth. But, I've also despised Faye Dunaway since I was in utero, so it's not surprising that I wanted to avoid seeing her hollow cheeks and pouty little mouth all over my Stevie.

It seems I wasn't missing much all these years. "The Thomas Crown Affair" is a ridiculous movie. Perhaps not Dana Carvey in "Master of Disguise" ridiculous but certainly not worthy of PBS on a Saturday night.

The famous chess scene-- considered by many to be one of the sexiest scenes ever captured on celluloid-- made us howl. Yes, we were moist, but only because we peed ourselves from laughing so hard.

In the post-movie wrap-up, host Patrick Stoner, aka the man with the bad toupee, said that the one-minute kissing scene took eight hours to shoot. That would explain why the spaghetti scene in "Lady And The Tramp" had more passion.

Here's a seven-minute chunk of the film. You may want to pop some popcorn. It seems like it goes on forever.