Thursday, May 29, 2008

Rejecting The Sullen Irishman

My husband is scheduled to give blood next Wednesday. I would love to join him in this life-saving gesture but the last time I donated, I was asked never to return by the cranky Red Cross lady with the pointy object. Bitch! I don't think she even gave me a cookie.

It wasn't my fault. I warned her that I might faint. I also told her well in advance that my veins are hard to find. OK, so I forgot to mention that my low blood pressure causes my blood to come out in excruciatingly slow drips but it's not like she had anything better to do than watch a bag fill up with the red stuff.

She was probably more patient with the men who had traveled to sub-Saharan Africa to have sex with monkeys. "Oh, I'm sorry hon, we can't take your blood this time but perhaps when you settle down with a nice girl you can try again. Our door is always open."

In the meantime, I got kicked to the curb.

You would think an exception would have been made for me since my blood type is O-Negative which, for many years, made me a universal donor. According to the Mayo Clinic, that may no longer be the case.
One important note: in the past, type O Blood was given to virtually anyone except those with what was termed 'rare' Blood. Donors of Blood group O were always referred to as 'universal donors.' Today, because of new research and a better understanding of the complex issues regarding immune reaction related to incompatible donor Blood cells, type O Blood is no longer automatically seen as being suitable in most every case.
Ha! I think they cooked up that little theory just to keep me out of the building. (Why aren't there more deli's called The Mayo Clinic?)

My husband and I always remember our blood types through a mnemonic device. I am the Sullen Irishman (O-Negative) and he is the Happy Butcher (AB Positive or "Abe, Be Positive.")

As an AB Positive human he can only give to and receive from his fellow Happy Butchers. Which means I can donate to him but he can't donate to me proving, once again, that I am the more giving half of this coupling.

The Red Cross website claims that every two seconds, a person in America needs blood. I feel bad that I can't be one of the people who helps my fellow citizens in their time of need.

Perhaps next time, I'll wear a helmet so if I hit the floor at least I won't be injured. And maybe I could run up and down the halls beforehand to get my blood pressure up. But, I'll definitely wear earplugs so I won't have to listen to another condescending lecture.

Or I'll just tell her, "In the time it took for you to make me feel bad, 30 Americans needed blood."

1 comment:

Simon Jester said...

Have them put a blood pressure cuff on the other side and start pumping.