Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Rejected Us Weekly Fashion Police Jokes 11

I have been a Top Cop for Us Weekly's Fashion Police since 2001. (Why do men always call it "U.S." Weekly even when they see it spelled with a big "U" and a small "s"?)

Some weeks many of my jokes are published while other weeks I have to settle for just one or two. Below is a partial list of comments that never made it to the newsstand.

Note: The ones marked "Accepted" are my comments that got in. The ones marked "Rejected" are the ones that didn't.

Michelle Monaghan

Rejected: Her movie isn't Oscar ready, but she is.

Rejected: Once you go black, you never go back.

Janet Jackson

Rejected: She's starring in "Oil Change: The Musical."

Rejected: Add feet and she'd look taller.

Lindsay Lohan

Rejected: It's showgirl meets paratrooper.

Rejected: Fredrick's of Rehab.

Kelly Osbourne

Accepted: Her dog has a coat that says ARF, ARF, ARF.

Rejected: How can a sarong be so wrong?

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