Some weeks many of my jokes are published while other weeks I have to settle for just one or two. Below is a partial list of comments that never made it to the newsstand.
Note: The ones marked "Accepted" are my comments that got in. The ones marked "Rejected" are the ones that didn't.

Michelle Monaghan
Rejected: Her movie isn't Oscar ready, but she is.
Rejected: Once you go black, you never go back.
Janet Jackson
Rejected: She's starring in "Oil Change: The Musical."
Rejected: Add feet and she'd look taller.
Lindsay Lohan
Rejected: It's showgirl meets paratrooper.
Rejected: Fredrick's of Rehab.
Kelly Osbourne
Accepted: Her dog has a coat that says ARF, ARF, ARF.
Rejected: How can a sarong be so wrong?
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