Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Greetings From Arizona!

No, that's not a picture of me. It's the infamous Jennifer Love Hewitt bathing suit photo that caused quite the stir awhile back. Since I am about to put on a bathing suit for the first time since August, I plan to use this picture as inspiration. If a young starlet can look all jiggly and wiggly in public then, by golly, so can I!

Men have no idea how traumatic bathing suit season can be for many women. Sadly, most of us are like the cartoon character Cathy who emerges from the fitting room each spring and thinks, "Argh!" or "Egads" or whatever animated people are yelling in thought balloons these days.

This year, however, I actually tried to prepare for this day. Thanks to Glucosamine and Chondroitin, I've been running and lifting weights. I've been doing squat thrusts and thrust squats and kumquats and all those horrible exercises that all the weepy chubtastic folks on Biggest Loser are forced to do.

Yet, after months of training, nothing's changed. In fact, I may look slightly worse than this time last year. It's quite demoralizing.

But, I am determined not to let my failure ruin our good time. We're out here in Arizona visiting my dad. He has a great pool and I plan to splash around while scantily clad no matter how jiggly and wiggly I look.

If anybody says I look fat, I'll just use Jennifer Love Hewitt's comeback, "A size two is not fat!" Of course, I'm not a size two, but, then again, neither is she. But she's right, a size two is not fat.

I'm just happy to be back in 95 degree temps. The weather in New Jersey has been more depressing than a Paula Cole CD.

4 comments:

Don Lewis said...

No Worries.

JLH doesn't do Betty Page worth a damn!

Sarah Brooks said...

Yikes, I'd be happy just to look that good! Too funny! You cracked me up!

damon said...

Nothing, but nothing, is worse than a Paula Cole CD.

Don't be too scantily clad, you'll scare the tumbleweeds.

Traci Skene said...

Scare the tumbleweeds? Yikes, how bad must you think I look that I can scare something that isn't even alive?