Funeral Prep

When I was younger, I would buy a sexy outfit just in case somebody invited me to a party. Two years ago, I bought a gray suit just in case somebody died.

It's not the first time I've gone shopping for a complete death ensemble. Since becoming an adult, I've always had a few pieces in my closet that were appropriate for a funeral. But the problem with buying a funeral outfit on spec is the shallow part of me that thinks, "I hope somebody dies before it goes out of style."

I eventually started wearing my latest suit for other events: a birthday party, a comedy roast, a trip to Atlantic City. Then I began wearing the pants on stage. Eventually, I did have to wear it to the viewing of my friend's father. So, now it's officially back to being called my funeral suit.

Unfortunately, the last time I wore the pants I managed to lean on something sticky (get your minds out of the gutter). On Thursday-- the day before my mother-in-law passed away unexpectedly (can you say "unexpectedly" for a 91-year-old?)-- I took them to the dry cleaners to see if they could be saved. The dry cleaner, who apparently is outsourcing to India, said they wouldn't be ready until tomorrow. Tomorrow, of course, is the day of the viewing.

So, now I have to go shopping for something to wear on the off-chance my funeral suit is headed for the trash heap.

The viewing is Tuesday night and the church service and burial are on Wednesday morning. I guess I need to buy two outfits.