Sunday, April 27, 2008

Chef Boy-Ar-Dee-viant

We call him "Wolfgang Suck."

He's a wine bottle holder but he looks like he could be holding something else. Please don't make me say what that "something else" is. If you haven't figured it out already then there is really no hope for you.

We bought him for fifty cents at our town-wide yard sale yesterday. We feared our guffawing would insult the homeowner but as we held out our two quarters one of them laughingly yelled to the other, "Hey, somebody's buying the dildo holder!"

We're not going to use him as a wine bottle holder. When you put a wine bottle in his mouth he just looks like a pathetic drunk who is too stupid to remove the cork. We're not going to use him as a dildo holder either because then we'd have to go out a buy a dildo. And we really don't want to let him hold our wine on the off-chance that the previous owner did own a dildo and wasn't joking about his prior use.

My husband thinks he should be re-purposed to hold our toilet plunger. If we do, I'm afraid each time we walk into the bathroom we'll yell, "It's Guiliani time!"


Suzy said...

I love big yard sales. I always buy something because it's 50 cents and such a DEAL. The it ends up in one of my yard sales.

Traci Skene said...

We had a yard sale once back in 1988 when we decided to sell everything and move to Los Angeles. We put an ad in the paper that said, "Nice boy and nice girl, selling nice stuff." I think the ad may have been a little too successful. It was madness.

Burbank, California turned out to be yard sale heaven. We bought a Leo Gorcey autobiography for a quarter and sold it years later on ebay for 700 bucks!

Anonymous said...

What's wrong with it being a dildo holder. How many times have you said, "Honey. where's my dildo?" Now he can say "If you'd just put it back into the holder, you would have to search for it." There's some money to be made here.