American Idol 4/8/08

Paula had her knockers on tonight but her strapless top combined with the camera framing make her look naked for most of the show. Apparently, it was clothing-optional week on Idol. Perhaps tomorrow's show should be Idol Gives Back Paula's Shirt.

Tonight the contestants had to sing "Inspirational Songs." There should be lots of tears, lots of pandering and lots of ridiculous and untrue words of wisdom.

1. Michael Johns wrongly told the young people of the world, "If you dream it you can achieve it." Tell that to all the rejected Idol contestants who gave Simon the finger and insisted they were not "pitchy," even though all of America could plainly hear that they couldn't sing one note on key. I've never considered Aerosmith's "Dream On" to be a song of inspiration. Take away the title and you're left with an unintelligible rock anthem that merely inspires one to wear pants tight enough to enable you to hit the high note at the end.

2. Syesha Mercado claims to give back through music. Perhaps she should consider recycling or volunteering at the soup kitchen. Performing the song Fantasia sang when she won the competition makes Syesha the recipient of the Brass Balls Award. Although she did manage to out-screech Michael Johns with her best Minnie Ripperton impression at the end.

3. Jason Castro proved he can sing songs used for car commercials. His version of "Somewhere over the Rainbow" was an exact replica of the ukulele version Israel Kamakawiwo has made famous. (Try typing Kamakawiwo ten times. Try saying Kamakawiwo ten times. Try reading Kamakawiwo ten times.)

4. Kristy Lee Cook has finally decided to try win this competition with her looks. It's her only hope. She said Martina McBride's "Anyway" helped her not to give up in life. I say she should have retitled the song, "You Can't Sing, But Sing Anyway... But This Time, Dress Sexy."

5. David Cook needed the vocal range of the Crash Test Dummies' Brad Roberts in order to hit those low notes at the beginning. I was not familiar with "Innocent" by Our Lady Peace but, after his performance, I still don't know the tune. It was one of those weird songs that I was forgetting the minute the notes hit my brain. Cook believes everybody has a good heart. He better hope Idol voters have a good heart because, instead of having "give back" written on his hand, he'll have "good bye."

6. Carly Smithson did give a rather angry performance of Queen's "Show Must Go." Simon was right. She's a great singer but she doesn't seem happy these days. Ever since Amanda Overmyer got kicked off she seems to be rudderless. Maybe she's hungry and cranky from dieting too much. Carly, eat a sandwich! Get happy again!

7. David Archuleta would make a killing as a gospel singer. He would have only been more inspirational singing "Angel" if he had actually worn wings and a halo as he sat at the piano.

8. Brooke White was smart choosing Carol King's "You've Got A Friend" because everybody wants to be Brooke's friend. I get the feeling if I called her tomorrow and asked her to help me move she would say, "Well, as soon as I'm done with the photo shoot, I'll grab a pizza and be right over."

Here is Bruddah Iz singing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow."



Prediction: Syesha, Carly and David Cook in the bottom three with Syesha going home.

More Idol chatter over at Humor-Blogs.