Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Gerd Girl Guide 4

On the road, GERD is a four-letter-word. Appropriate food is harder to acquire, exercise is more difficult to fit into my schedule and I'm forced to sleep on hotel beds that are flatter than Howie Long's buzzcut.

At home, the head of our marital bed is raised six inches-- or for my Canadian friends... six inches. (Sorry, I don't know the metric conversion.) A mere half a foot may not sound very high but it took some getting used to.

For the longest time my husband and I felt like we were members of a two-man luge team. At any moment, we were convinced we would slide off the end of the bed, crossing the finish line in world record time.

It was particularly difficult for my husband to adjust to the incline. On some nights I would find him in the middle of the bed, crawling towards the top as if he were near death just two feet from the Mount Everest summit.

At one point he asked, "Do you think we should get a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed?" That was his nice way of saying, "Just because you have to sleep slanted doesn't mean I should."

He's fine with it now. I think he's just happy we don't have to sleep with the foot of our bed raised six inches. That would be weird in a whole different way.


Suzy said...

Why does the bed have to be elevated at the top?

Traci Skene said...

An elevated bed helps keep the stomach acid in the stomach where it should be rather than in the throat where it wants to be.

Lying flat on the ground or bending over is just asking for trouble. For this reason alone, I will never be able to do yoga...or porn.

damon said...

I think this sounds great! Every night would be like a waterslide!
Plus I wouldn't need 17 pillows to prop up my head just to watch "That 70's show".

Traci Skene said...

As a former bedwetter, I am a bit uncomfortable with the bed as waterslide imagery.

Simon Jester said...

Everyone is always confused about Canadian equivalents.

6 inches equals half a hectare or 1.25 dekawatt hours.

Hope that helps.

Traci Skene said...

Gee, Don, I'm glad I didn't sit next to you in math class. Cheating off your paper would have been pointless.

Simon Jester said...

Traci, If I had sat next to you, I've no doubt we would have been a tag team for the Vice Principals office.