Thursday, March 13, 2008

Bed Bath & Beyond Hideous

Gentlemen, please put the Slipper Genie Micro Fiber Cleaning Slippers on the list of things never to buy your wife...or girlfriend...or mother...or grandmother...or dog for that matter. (Okay, they would be pretty humorous on a dog.)

I don't care if they are "also available in pink." I don't care if you can "slip'em on and they'll do the cleaning for you!" I don't care if they are being sold for the low low price of $9.99. These slippers are a dreadful combination of revolting and insulting.

The Slipper Genie must have be invented by a man. Only a guy would come up with something so practical yet so completely wrong on every level. I'm reminded of the stay-at-home father of sextuplets I once saw on television who fed his kids Cheerios by dumping them on the floor. He theorized that if he put them in a bowl, the kids would just drop them on the carpet anyway. You see, practical yet so completely wrong on every level.

As a former gymnast who still retains much of her flexibility even in middle-age, I could probably put the Slipper Genie Micro Fiber Cleaning Slippers to good use. My ability to do a split means that I could easily clean under a couch and a chair at the same time. Heck, if I balanced myself correctly, I could dust the top of my television.

Actually, these would be the perfect gift for Apollo Anton Ono or any other Olympic champion speed skater on your shopping list. Can you imagine how quickly he would dust the entire dining room floor?

The rest of us would just pull an inner thigh muscle or, worse, break a hip. But, spraying a bunch of Pledge and strapping two pairs to the pooch still sounds mighty fun.


damon said...

I think they're cool. If Nike would put a swoosh on them maybe Kobe Bryant would endorse 'em.

Simon Jester said...

How do you wring them out?

Traci Skene said...

Don, silly, they're for dusting not mopping. You wouldn't have to wring them out. I guess you would bang them together outside just like chalkboard erasers.

Upon further reflection, I've realized that if men did invent these cleaning shoes for women, there would be a high-heeled version.