American Idol 3/25/08

Was Paula late for a performance in Sweet Charity? Nothing else could explain that hideous get-up she was wearing. Fingerless gloves and fake diamonds? When did she start dating Dr. Evil?

Tonight's theme was "When They Were Born" which meant each contestant had to pick a song recorded in the year of their birth. I think it would have been more entertaining if they picked songs from the month they were conceived. That would have made for far more interesting pre-performance interviews. "So, my parents were doing it to U2's "With Or Without You" when the condom broke..."

Ramiele Mulaby: My question for Ramiele is "how do I get you alone" so I don't have to listen to you sing? Nobody but Heart should try to sing Heart when they are under the weather. Ramiele said, "I didn't have the flu, it (her voice) just went bye bye." I think she should start using her adult words.

Jason Castro: I'm always waiting for Jason Castro's dreadlocks to get caught in his guitar strings. I'm reminded of the day as a child when I got my shoelace caught in my bicycle chain. I think I had the same look on my face that Jason has on his face when he sings: a combination of pain and surprise. Last week Castro sang in French and this week in Spanish. What can we expect for next week, a German dance remix of "99 Luftballons"?

Syesha Mercado: When Syesha Mercado looks in the mirror she sees a good-looking Whitney Houston. Something about her bugs me... and it's more than just that annoying baby cry she does during almost every interview. (Get some new material!) She's one of those people who looks good on paper, but the reality is not nearly as exciting as you would expect. I do, however, think Paula went too far when she called her a "Dark Horse." The statement was not only racially insensitive but I think mocking the size of her teeth was completely uncalled for.

Chikezie: I'm always bugged by men who wear white sneakers while singing a love song. Put on some dress shoes and show your imaginary lady some respect! I just wish Chikezie would sing some Nigerian songs. I've seen King Sunny Ade and he's got some kick-ass music.

Brooke White: I give her credit for starting, stopping and starting again. Most contestants would have panicked and continued to sing in the wrong key. In fact, I think most contestants do panic and continue singing in the wrong key.

Michael Johns: Finally, a contestant born in the '70's! I was starting to feel really old. The boy sure does like to sing Queen. If he had any balls, he would wear one of those Freddie Mercury two-toned stretchy leotards with the matching codpiece. (Can you believe nobody knew Freddy Mercury was gay?) His rendition of "We Will Rock You" made me flashback to ninth grade when we used to drive the lunch ladies crazy by banging on the tables and singing that song at the top of our lungs. We were such rebels.

Carly Smithson: After winding up in the bottom three last week, Carly had a bit of the "deer caught in the headlights" look tonight. I don't think she's quite over the shock. She seriously needs to cover-up those tattoos. I don't think middle-America is ready for a girl in a dress with biker arms. Maybe it will help that she has a hot mom. Her and Brooke's mom should be neck and neck in the MILF competition...if there is a MILF competition.

David Archuleta: I agree with Simon, it was a theme park performance. Actually, it was more like a religious theme park performance. I wonder if David has ever been to Bible World in Orlando? He could get a job as the singing baby Jesus.

Kristy Lee Cook: Oh boy, nice try with the "I'm Proud To Be An American" suck-up move. Talk about your theme park performance. All that was missing were fireworks shooting out of her ass.

David Cook: He's right, his skull is huge. Explains the haircut, I suppose. It might also explain why he did a alterna-rock version of Billy Jean. That was weird. It was what I imagine Pearl Jam would do at karaoke.

Prediction: Ramiele, just like her voice, is about to go bye-bye. But, I was wrong last week.

Now here's King Sunny Ade singing some cool Nigerian music.