American Idol 3/18/08

Hasn't Paul McCartney suffered enough this week? First he's ordered to pay ex-wife Heather Mills 48 million dollars and now he has to listen to certain American Idol contestants butcher his songs for the second week in a row.

Randy yawned, Simon winked and Paula rambled. What more do you need to know about the judges. As Simon would say, "It is what it is."

1. Whenever I see biker Amanda Overmyer lift her sleeveless arms in the air, I fully expect to see big old hairy patches. She just seems like the type to have a a couple of Chia Pits under those fully-developed limbs. I'm not a big fan of her voice but I like her. She seems to have perspective.

2. Kristy, Kristy, Kristy, if you're a good-looking girl never say on national television or even at a dinner party, "I can blow you out of your socks and you know it." We all have dirty minds, Miss Kristy Lee Cook. Everyone over the age of ten went to a dark place when you innocently uttered those words.

3. David Archuleta-- who my husband calls a pint-sized Josh Grobin-- always looks like he needs a tissue. You just want to get a Kleenex, grab his cute little nose and say, "Blow harder, Davie." (See, Kristie that's how you use the word blow without eliciting giggles.)

4. Michael Johns should have never tried to edit "A Day In A Life" down to 90 seconds even if the song was dedicated to a dead friend. It was like reading the Cliff's Notes to "Atlas Shrugged."

5. Brooke White should not move when she sings. The stiller she is the better she is. (Is stiller a word?) Perhaps she should perform next time in an iron lung... in a yellow, happy iron lung, with a smiley face on the side, of course.

6. It's interesting that Idol contestants can play instruments this year but I think they went too far when David Cook played the Peter Frampton mouthey thingie. If he wanted to borrow anything from Frampton he should have chosen his 1970's flowing locks. Sadly, David Cook has the worst hair in the competition. I can't decide if it looks like hat hair or a really bad comb-over.

7. I have one word for Carly Smithson... sleeves. The contrast between the tattooed biceps and the flowery girlie top was just too distracting.

8. Jason Castro mistakingly chose "Michelle." It's just one of those songs that sounds ridiculous when performed by anyone other than Paul McCartney. Castro reminded me of a rock singer who suddenly finds himself leading a wedding band.

9. Syesha Mercado had her cleavage on tonight. Did any male actually listen to her sing?

10. Chikezie managed to turn "I've Just Seen A Face" into two completely different songs. First half, R&B. Second half, bluegrass. It was like he was a cast member on "Whose Line Is It Anyway" and Drew Carey was yelling out various genres of music so he had to change each time. The harmonica solo made me long for the Peter Frampton mouthie thingie.

11. Ramiele Mulabay wins the "Britney Spears Bad Fashion Award" for the night. Although, she would have been better off copying Brit's lyp-synching rather than her clothes.

Prediction: Kristy Lee Cook will not be helped by her blowing comment and will be gone.

Now, here's "A Day In The Life" the way it's supposed to be heard.