The Aging Trifecta

I plucked the first gray hair from my then-bottle-blond head back when I was in my early thirties. My mother had grayed early, so losing hair pigment prematurely came as no great shock. Consequently, I didn't look at this turn of events as a sign of aging. To me it was just the inevitable result of a genetic quirk.

Lately, however, three incidents have made me fear that middle-age is in my rear-view mirror and the next exit is clearly marked "Senior Town."

1. I bought prunes on sale. Yes, I have recently discovered that I love prunes and I have also recently discovered that I love prunes even more if they are half-price. Oh sure, you can make yourself sound younger by calling them "discounted dried plums" but we all know what they really are.

2. I own two pairs of reading glasses. It doesn't really matter that they are hip cool reading glasses-- one is red plaid and the other metallic blue-- I still purchased them at a drug store because I could no longer read without extending my arm as far away from my body as humanly possible. It also doesn't matter that my husband thinks I look hot when I wear them. OK, that matters a little, but it's still sad that I own two pair because I can never remember where I left the other pair.

3. I'm taking Glucosamine and Chondroitin. Years of soccer, gymnastics, softball and cheerleading have left me with a bum knee, so I'm finally following the advice of my father and all my friend's mothers who have recommended this course of treatment. Up until now, I preferred painkillers, ice and swearing.

I feel old. Maybe I should take all that prune money I saved and go out and purchase a pair of black high heels. I could test out the new knee by wearing them around the apartment. Maybe I'll even put on my reading glasses so I'll look really hot.



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