Monday, January 21, 2008

A Tempur-Pedic Nightmare

My husband and I have been sleeping on the same California King-sized bed since 1988. It is the first and only bed we've ever purchased together as a couple. I suppose we could have bought a traditional King-size bed, but, since we were living in California at the time, it only seemed right to buy a bed with the same name. Perhaps if we had we been living in the Twin Cities we would have bought matching 1950's sitcom twin beds or a Queen had we been residing in San Francisco.

It's become painfully obvious lately that acquiring a new bed must be put on our to-do list. At the very least, we need a new boxspring. The boxspring on my side is now making a "Thunggggg" noise when I roll over. Apparently, I roll over quite frequently. It's like a musician playing a stand-up bass is living under our bed and the only note his knows is E.

We can tell by the little research we've done that buying a new bed will not be as easy as we had hoped. Bed salesmen have become the used car salesmen of home furnishing.

To me, a bed is a bed. A bed doesn't have a system as I've been told. It's either Poppa Bear hard, Momma bear soft or Baby bear "just right." That's it.

I do know, however, that I will never purchase a Tempur-Pedic bed. I've had the misfortune of sleeping on one in a Raleigh, NC, hotel room and, while it may not have been the worst night sleep of my life, it is definitely in the top 10.

Your bed should make stress go away.

Imagine a place where stress is relieved and the pressures of the day seem to just melt away. Unlike traditional mattresses that can create pressure, our unique Swedish TEMPUR® material actually absorbs pressure as it gently cradles your entire body. Imagine feeling cushioned, enveloped-- almost weightless-- in your own personal place of relaxation.
Gently cradles your entire body? Maybe if you weigh 80 pounds. For those of us with larger than normal backsides, the Tempur-Pedic mattress causes an ass crater from which a middle-aged woman with a full bladder cannot escape. I needed a Sherpa to guide me to the bathroom.

I had to fling myself out of the hole just to change positions. I did not wake up feeling fully relaxed. I was as sore as if I had completed my first triathlon.

This past weekend my well-meaning husband almost bought me a Tempur-Pedic pillow. I said to him, "Are you kidding? The second biggest part of me is my head!" If you think the ass crater was bad, just imagine the hole my head would make.

Dreams come true at

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