Cute Guy Syndrome

Iowa Caucus winner Barack Obama scored big with the ladies last night but not in a Bill Clinton kind of way. Obama got their votes. Votes, many say, should have gone to Hillary Clinton.

Since the Hillary campaign machine first fired up its engine, talking heads in newsrooms all across the country wrongly assumed that Democratic female voters would automatically support one of their own for President. I'm not sure what type of data they used in their analysis but, in reaching their conclusions, they obviously didn't consider "Cute Guy Syndrome."

"Cute Guy Syndrome" is an embarrassing phenomenon in which a seemingly rational woman will toss her BFF under a bus for a cute guy

This morning, Hillary has Greyhound tire tracks across her back.

The Obama campaign understands "Cute Guy Syndrome." The talk of Obama's "good looks" started long before he declared his candidacy. The "Obama is handsome" chants began during his book tour. This was no accident.

Convince enough women who are susceptible to hype that Barack is dreamy and you've got yourself the next President of the United States.

There's just one problem: Barack Obama isn't handsome. He's not even good-looking by politician standards. With a little special effects make-up, he could be a character on Battlestar Galactica.

Do not accuse me of being racist for criticizing an African-American male. If I was really racist, I would have given him a Joe Biden-esque compliment and said he was clean and articulate. Also, do not accuse me of having bad taste in men or, more specifically, bad taste in black men. Shemar Moore (pictured) is handsome. Blair Underwood is handsome. That idiot ex-husband of Halle Berry-- the one who cheated on her-- is handsome. Barack Obama looks like a Muppet.



Hillary Clinton was also bested by other cute guy, John Edwards. The Edwards campaign understands "Cute Guy Syndrome" as well. It's the only thing that explains his attention to grooming.



Male voters are usually not as vulnerable to the aesthetic hoopla. If they were, we would have had a Hooter's Girl as Vice-President long ago. At the very least, porn star Mary Carey would be Governor of California instead of Arnold Schwarzenneger.

For the record, I am not a supporter of Hillary Clinton. I would never give my vote to a fellow female merely because she's a fellow female. I would also never give my vote to a man just because he has a cute smile. I'm one of those weirdos who actually cares about the issues.

If it were up to me, all the candidates would have to wear bags over their heads until the big reveal on Election Night. Of course, we'd run the risk of having the Unknown Comic as leader of the free world, but that's a chance I'm willing to take.


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