Wednesday, January 16, 2008

American Idol, Philly Style

I was so excited when American Idol returned tonight for its seventh season, yet so disappointed when the Philadelphia auditions didn't feature many singers from my hometown. I think the Ben Franklin impersonator and the Mae West transvestite may have been the only Philadelphians to actually appear on the broadcast. Everybody else lived in Oregon, Connecticut, Illinois and at least one or two were from a galaxy far, far away.

One of the oddest auditioners in Episode One hailed from Allentown, Pennsylvania, which is approximately 60 miles northwest of the City of Brotherly Love. Her singing wasn't atrocious, but it was her post-rejection antics that get my vote as "Best of the Worst."

According to the Janice Joplin-meets-Doodlebots wannabe, now that her singing career seems to have been sidelined by that (insert expletive here) Simon, she will now "go into actressing." That's right, she actually used the word "actressing." You see, sometimes good can come out of adversity. Through her anger and tears, she managed to create my new favorite word: actressing. If I use it three times-- and I believe I've already managed to do it in one paragraph-- it will be mine.

She also said that Simon had chutzpah, although she pronounced it "hoospa." This struck me as odd considering her last name is Cohen. Apparently, not only is she a bad singer and a bad English speaker but she is also a very bad Jew.

After much cursing, finger-giving and fully-clothed mooning, Miss Congeniality announced to America that she was--and I couldn't make this up-- "leaving with her dignity." Perhaps she would have fared better had she actually arrived with her dignity.

I'm so glad Idol is back. I no longer have to imagine what the Jerry Springer show would be like with karaoke.

More AI fans at


Suzy said...

Wasn't she the one who was the Trekkie and had cinnabons on the sides of her head?

She was scary but I do love "actressing" and I say if it doesn't catch on, WE will make it catch on.

And the skinny blonde was from California. WTF?

Suzy said...

Okay, they just replayed The Janis Joplin wannabe and I had her confused with the Cinnabon chick. How, I have no idea...

Janis does sound like a famous actress but I can't put my finger on who.

Traci Skene said...

I was also sort of partial to the Paul Roebson/Eddie Vedder tour guide but I didn't think I was capable of doing him justice with a mere description. He really needs to be heard to fully appreciate his lack of talent.

Suzy said...

Dude, I just remembered who Janis Joplin sounded like!

Lorraine Bracco.

Now I can sleep at night.

Traci Skene said...

Ooh, here's a link to the tour guide.