Friday, November 16, 2007

Rejected Us Weekly Fashion Police Jokes

I have been a Top Cop for Us Weekly's Fashion Police since 2001. (Why do men always call it "U.S." Weekly even when they see it spelled with a big "U" and a small "s"?)

Some weeks many of my jokes are published while other weeks I have to settle for just one or two. Below is a partial list of comments that never made it to the newsstand.


It's Braveheart meets Bee Movie.

From the MacAwful Clan.

My eyes are smartin' from that tartan.

On a redneck, it would make a lovely shirt.

A coat that goes with...nothing.

Play Along At Home

For you kids who actually buy Us Weekly (as opposed to reading it while standing in line at the grocery store or killing time at the doctor's office) and want to play at home, here are some more jokes written for the celebrity photos that are not posted online.

Tom Cruise

It's Georgio Armani meets Billy Barty.

Vanessa Minnillo

What happens when hot women pretend they don't care.

Amy Adams

How cute! A dress witb a nose!

Chris Brown

Def Hee Haw Jam.

Paris Hilton

If that's a November outfit, what does she wear at Easter?

Kimberly Stewart

Frantically, she searches for a high heel cast.

Brooke Hogan

Overalls for your knees.

Cisco Alder

His shirt reflects how I feel.

Frances Bean Cobain

Never, never, never play in your mom's closet.

Rumer Willis

Sadly, her underpants say the same thing.

More joking at


lisamagisa said...

You might be the coolest person I know.

Liz said...

Don't you feel pressure for fear of being accused of hypocrisy? Not that you have bad style, I have no idea, but has anyone accused you of that?

Traci Skene said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Traci Skene said...

No, Liz, but I am more conscious about what I wear in public--which is completely silly considering I am never followed to the supermarket by the paparazzi. But I do strongly believe that there is no excuse for a rich person to look bad. Give me free clothes, a stylist, personal shoppers and an assistant to pick up my dry cleaning and I'd look great even on laundry day.