Saturday, December 1, 2007

Rejected Us Weekly Fashion Police Jokes 2

I have been a Top Cop for Us Weekly's Fashion Police since 2001. (Why do men always call it "U.S." Weekly even when they see it spelled with a big "U" and a small "s"?)

Some weeks many of my jokes are published while other weeks I have to settle for just one or two. Below is a partial list of comments that never made it to the newsstand.

Kristen Bell

I love a dress with a built in napkin.

It looks like a giant lace tongue.

When doilies attack!

Play Along At Home

For you kids who actually buy Us Weekly (as opposed to reading it while standing in line at the grocery store or killing time at the doctor's office) and want to play at home, here are some more jokes written for the celebrity photos that are not posted online.

Victoria Beckham

Now I know what to do with my old table runner.

Rumer Willis

She better hope a musical number breaks out.

Blake Lewis

That bandana is cutting off the oxygen to his brain.

Monique Coleman

High School Seussical the Musical.

Kelly Osbourne

An Osbourne who dresses like an Osmond.


What a "female executive" wears in a porno.

Carrie Underwood

Tissue wads are all the rage.

Mary J. Blige

We'll give you one sleeve now and the other one for Christmas.

Nicole Scherzinger

What a drum majorette wears to the prom.

Avril Lavigne

A penny saved is a penny worn.

Save a penny at

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