I Now Pronounce You Upchuck And Larry

Years ago, Philadelphia Mayor, John Street, was against gay marriage. Years ago, Philadelphia Mayor John Street wasn't afraid to say publicly that he was against gay marriage. Years later, Philadelphia Mayor John Street has agreed to help pronounce his deputy secretary, Micah Mahjoubian, and Ryan Bunch husband and husband.

Why the change of heart? Well, the more cynical among us would conclude that the Mayor can smell a good photo op from a mile away. The less cynical would buy the story that he's suddenly okay with same-sex unions. I say actions don't always speak louder than words.

But the 64-year-old mayor, a practicing Seventh-day Adventist, was also clear-- four times in a 30-minute interview last week-- about what the ceremony is not:

"It's not marriage. It's not real marriage. They can't be married. . . . It's not a religious ceremony. I mean, it's not really marriage."

Let's hope they let him make the toast!

Do they really want this guy officiating at their ceremony? "Does anyone here object to the union of this man to this man? Oh wait, I object."

According to the article, in 2003, Street wrote the following email to the publisher of the Philadelphia Gay News.

"The past 3-1/2 years have been a great learning experience for me. Thanks to you . . . and many others I have broadened my horizons, expanded my understanding and set aside some bias and prejudices I previously did not even know I had. I have not changed unless you call growing in wisdom and understanding 'change.' "

That's the equivalent of saying, "I can't be a racist because I have a black friend."

Let's hope I'm wrong and the man is sincere.

Having Mayor Street preside over their union isn't the only strange decision these boys have made lately.

Mahjoubian, 33, and Ryan Bunch, 32, will wear matching black tuxedos with orange vests.

Orange vests? Is it hunting season? Since Philadelphia has one of the highest murder rates in the country, they'd be better off wearing matching bulletproof vests.

Or perhaps they're wearing black and orange because they're huge Flyer's Fans. I can't imagine that our African-American Mayor likes hockey very much. I can say that because I'm not racist...I have a black friend.