Lakota activist Russel Means, the Center for Science and the Public Interest, PETA, and other assorted cranks, each year come dangerously close to ruining my Thanksgiving. What is it about the fourth Thursday in November that sends Political Correctness into hyper-drive? To the rest of us non-activists, Thanksgiving is about loved ones, turkey and football. It's not about genocide, animal rights or the rising rates of obesity. These busybodies have 364 other days in the year on which they can advance their agendas. Can't they leave us alone for one day so we can attend a parade, stuff ourselves silly and argue with our siblings in peace?
Tomorrow we'll feed the homeless. Tomorrow we'll write a check to the Sierra Club. Tomorrow we'll eat five servings of fruits and vegetables. On Thanksgiving, we just want to give thanks for what we have in our own lives. On Thanksgiving, we want to be just a little bit selfish. After Thanksgiving, we'll save the world. On Thanksgiving, we just want you to pass the gravy... please.
I've decided, instead, that Thanksgiving should be the most Politically Incorrect day of the year. Why not? "Caring" people already think it is anyway so let's really give them something to get upset about. Yesterday, over appetizers, I suggested that perhaps us white folks should sue Native Americans for introducing tobacco to our European ancestors. Sure, we brought them smallpox but think about how many white people have died since Walter Raleigh brought back tobacco. I've been told that Big Tobacco is evil. What about Big Indian?!
And the best part is, many tribes now have casino money so they are no longer judgment-proof. Now, I have a whole year to come up with another politically incorrect idea for next year's dinner. Hmmm...I wonder if I'll be eating alone?